Whew! I must admit that I feel so good and relieved that I am finally writing my next blog post here now. Good bye, November. Welcome back, December…
Last week, I had no chance to write my posts, but I needed to spend my time with my family during Thanksgiving week, my two sons were not at school due to the holiday. My two sons needed my attention even through they are teens. We were lucky that we did not go to Black Friday shopping in result of that we stayed at home for our safety.
So – If you have not read the previous posts before here, please read first: Living My Silent Life Part 1 – 3. The reason is that I do not want you to be confused where my story is coming from first. 🙂
My parents did not know about American Sign Language (ASL), they used Signing Exact English (SEE). When I was a little girl, I did not know about ASL myself, I learned many sign language vocabulary through SEE. My aunts, uncles, and cousins did not want to learn sign language, because they thought communicating with me by signing might be embarrassing to them or could be possibly inconvenient for them. They felt that sign language was not necessary to get started in communicating. They preferred speech better than signing. That was a huge frustration for me, and still is, because every family gathering, they still shout at me, instead of going to learn sign language. My husband and younger son interpret for me if anyone ever comes to talk to me at all. They will hardly take the time to write back and forth with me. My in-laws take more interest in me than my own family members do.
My parents were divorced when I was 6 years old. I was saddened to see my father moving to a different country. My mother made a decision to file a divorce in result of the daily arguments. I watched my parents fighting and yelling at each other. I guess it was a good thing that I could not hear what they yelled at each other.
I guess that my mother must hate my father, but not because of me. It was because he could not find any better jobs in the area. It was very clear that she had not been a good wife to him. She was not good listener. My father was very patient and took care of me well while he was considered as “Stay at Home Dad”. She was very demanding and stubborn person all through my life.
While my father moved away, my mother had me in her solo custody. In my room, I was heartbroken and saddened to have lost my loving and caring father. I kept asking my mother about the whereabouts of my father, she told me that he died (technically, she lied!)
I had hidden my heart, I did not want to be with my mother and I did not want to be like her! (I will explain later). She was boldly controlling mother just like in the “Mommie Dearest” movie. I was emotionally patient and stay silent all the time. I had to stay strong and brave while silencing myself. Many times, I told my Lord that I did not want my mother in my life. That happened so long ago, because no one listened. I felt that my Lord knew before that happened. Today, my Lord is still with me all the time, He never leave me anywhere…
When I was 8 years old, my mother contacted a new health organization named – House Ear Institute, located in Los Angeles. She registered me to enroll in a new program – cochlear implant. She was very excited to see that I was qualified candidate to have cochlear implant surgery. My mother never asked for my permission nor what my wishes were. SO – I was completely naive … I had no knowledge about cochlear implant at all… No one explained about this at all!
..Stay Tuned for next episode of Living My Silent Life: Part Five..